A: Kill B: Yourself {Prisoner Of The Mind} -The continuation

I feel sick, I wanna puke but I hate to puke so I hold on... My life is still sucky though I feel happy.... I always have this vast desire when I feel the knife carve out the pain in my (lifeless) body. What can I do now? I can post some of my lyrics  ; )

Kalde netter, søvnløshet og rastløshet

tung tenking og ubehag

Meningsløst og dødsdømt.

En ubehaglig stillhet 

små risping og tunge sukk

Endeløst

I slit my wrists, my times
I have screamed and struggled.
The blood has been spilled, My veins is drained.
All I do is wish for death.

I've gotta say, what I've gotta say.
Time fades, tell me the reality is better than the dream.
I can't take this anymore.

I live with so much hope which drain, oh why can't it stop?
There is nothing good.All I`ve got is... Nothing. All I see is red and black, All I see is red blood stains.
The dripping, the ceparation
Skin from flesh, flesh from bone.

The tree of veins is torn, the branches is cut over
It goes so fast, like a hot knife through butter
But this is cold steel


I think I've finished the first but at the same time it feel unfinished. Those few who really know me understand the first one

Life was like this

and then

Rapid cycling(Prisoner Of The Mind)

Okay right now I feel fucked up, sitting here and laughing/smiling for myself and the other is giving me weird looks.

My mood change so rapidly.... I'd like to know if some1 else goes through the days like that. We can maybe lol eachother

A: Kill B: Yourself {Prisoner Of The Mind}

Suicide has forever been in my mind since I was 12, I've started to cut myself (minor) again... For me it's a vast desire because I feel so hollow which is insanely undescribable. I'm torturing the humans around me, almost everyone get somehow angry with me or avoid me if I take contact... Pointless life... Well in a little bit over a week I will go away.... meet a friend and hopefully she'll make me happy(like she usually does). If it doesnt screw up... I've always wanted to meet her but I live on the other side of norway and she lives south somewhere under the rainbow. If I meet her it will be an overjoyed moment for me, for sure!

Words, Words

"so im getting my own christmas pressent this year. Blasphemer's old guitar he used for his 13 years in MayheM. In change for my gibson+ money or antique stuff... A guitar i have admired since i was about 12 so why not hit the chance? I also will get his leather nailed wristbands he used in MayheM on the tours (see European Legions).. Whaddya girls say? I'm not really the luck bringer in the livesof humans i know. 

I cut, I hurt myself hibbedihabbediflippetyflopp *mad hatter's face*Pain is a relief to me, but moments I've enjoyed and those moments has only been joyfull. Laughs, kisses, hugs, the music! Definately something worth spending the time on. I'd rather have downfall moments like i have and really get unchained a few times than pretending. Word! Too bad none of those words will be stuck in a mind"

What I last wrote on my FB... Hope it will let do(Guitar)

The Dream's Contents

So I was thinking about my dreaming pattern which is in a kind of it's own. Fantastic!!

Mostly I have dreams where I walk around in this Transylvanina like world where there are dead trees, old churches, ruins of old castles and old cemeteries, a sorcerer and a sorceress. Sometimes I die

Except that it's just sexual blood gargling(you get the point!)

Sometime ago I had this dream where I was laying in a bath tub fucking this chick, I had this feeling where I woke up to screaming and it was like refracting the surface of the water. Well all I could(and hear) se was a lot of blood  on the side edges of the tub, that I was bloody and cuted up, the girl humping my dick and screaming (take that as a good sign). Laying in that tub was like laying in a brine of blood i guess, the blood was reaching about 5-7 cm up (is that a lot?)

When I woke up my first thought was; Fuck Yeah!! Like Kvarforth?

Similar Dreams?

Jau

I've dreamed that I find myself dead in a bed, there's a blood trail leading to the location, like in the first Max Payne game!

I think my dreams is awesome or awzum(which is more awesome than awesome) Win, Win for dirty minds, Morbid Dreams and Transylvanian dreams.

 

 (Kim and Kvarforth) :)

Prisoner Of The Mind

Why should I survive at all? A question I aks myself everyday... Don't think it's worth breathing anymore nor do a shit. Once I was happy but theese last 6 years there have been few highlights. Through the years I've always been picked on or harassed by humans, something that I hate but got used to it and just raised over it. One of the most silly thing is that the "leader" (wimp) in the class harassed me just because I got a big dick... well I think deep inside he wants cum to rage wild in his ass but off to more subjective uhm.. letters/words... Shit happens you know. People bully for silly things, for example when I started to cultivate and harvest the real me I found a music genre that I could relate how I felt through: Black metal and Depressive music. Since I get easily obsessed with things I started to talk about the bands and find out about the story and that roller-coster(dunno how that is written) so ppl started to leave me and I got more depressed because of that and later I started to cut myself, not to get attention but to feel more alive and forget this misery. as far as I have understood when ppl see your scars they think you're a weak psycho but isn't it a sign that you have tried to be strong for such a long time? Well it's some of how it is to be harassed over years, ppl have a hard time accepting inhuman individuals who are themselves.


Can mention more specific of how things has been and evolved over the years in future posts, right now I'm confused which you may have noticed in the writing but hope you, the human or hopefully inhuman understand  what it's like. This existance among mainstream shitty humans.




I, chained in the human wheelchair 

(This is Nattramn)